Why I Stopped Talking Smack About Myself

A few months back, I went to a clothing swap where all the women participating (all mamas) could bring what they no longer wore, and then “shop” all the others’ abandonees (is that a word?) The remainders would be donated to a women’s shelter...it was very cool and I got some of my fave clothing items there! (I think all friend groups should do it.)

Anyway, as we all began looking through outfits and trying on items, it sparked the saddest conversation: what women hated about their bodies. 

I’m not going to sit here and claim I’ve never bagged on my own flesh, but it’s been a really long time since I’ve felt the need to openly hate on myself and carry on a conversation where others do the same. I vividly remember this happening often in the high school locker room...if I only knew then what I know now. (Love your perky bodies while you’re young, girls!!!)

It began with one woman despising her stomach. Then another her hips. Then another her whole body in general since she had kids. I remained quiet while I listened and wondered why women (especially these capable and amazing mamas) were so prone to hating their bodies rather than loving them. 

Then a friend said, “Embrace it! Love it!” It changed the trajectory of the conversation, mood, vibe, and I was relieved. I’m so grateful for that little statement (that was really a big act of love) because it worked to stop the negative talk and hopefully, reminded these mamas how incredible they are. This night, though, and really the narrative sold to females about their bodies in general, has been living in my brain and I’ve forced myself to think so much more in depth about how I talk to myself internally and how I treat my body openly...especially in front of my three daughters. 

It’s become my new mission, mantra, philosophy...whatever you want to call it, when I am talking or thinking of myself in any capacity (my body, my intelligence, my characteristics), I ask myself: Would I want my daughters to say this about themselves? 

In the beginning, the answer was “No” far too often. As I practiced (yes, it’s a skill) loving, respecting, appreciating, and KNOWING myself, the answer increasingly became “Sure” or “Yes.” And even more than that, it’s changed what I choose to focus on in myself. Yes, my varicose veins are kind of bothersome to me, but my funny personality is more important and way more of an attribute than smooth and flawless legs would be. 

I hope that as my girls grow, I can encourage them to think and speak positively about themselves and others. I hope they notice that as they grow, I compliment their fierce determination, their funny jokes, or their unrelenting effort more than their pretty hair or face. I know, though, that as much as I can do those things for THEM, they are watching me. I need to show them how to live comfortably and confidently in their personality and body. 

So mamas, I beg of you: if not for yourself, for your kids, LOVE YOURSELF. Focus on the things you love, the things that make you unique, the things that are way more important than the “flaws” you continue to focus your energy on (because our society has told you to do so, but that’s for another day)! 

Tell me in the comments what your FAVORITE thing about yourself is. (This will probably be hard for some of you, but do it!!)